You see, I’ve been there. I’ve stared at the blank page and the overdrawn bank account. I’ve been in conversations with bill collectors where the only answer I could honestly give was, “I don’t know.” I’ve listened to the doctor when they said life will either change or decline and the choice was mine. I’ve looked into my friends’ eyes as I tell them about my bank account, my weight, and my dreams, and watched them try to hide their concern.
I’ve sat there in the dark, watching TV while my mind whirred in the background, knowing I needed to do something - anything but what I was doing - and yet not able to think of one thing else that I could do. I’ve decided I was unqualified, inappropriate, and unprepared for the job I’d dreamed of. I’ve said the things at networking happy hours that make the other person squint with confusion. I’ve been turned down, discarded, judged, and found wanting. I have done it. The dumb things. The foolish and humiliating things. And hated myself for it.
Whatever vicious, wicked thought you’ve had about yourself, I’ve honed it in a way that only an Irish writer can do while staring in the mirror, every morning, brushing my teeth. I’ve been low and terrified I wouldn’t make it. Furious at myself for being there, yet secretly sure I deserved it.
And I climbed out. Still climbing, actually, because no matter how far up you get there’s still so much sky above you, and the path you’ve hiked seems so short in comparison.
But far or not, for better or not, I’ve made it to this place, and this place is a good one. Job that I love, where I’m loved. Bank account on the upswing, even after the bills are paid – and they are, every month. Education that makes me proud. Friends whose lives I admire and who support me as I try to live the best one I can. Health improving. Down 25 pounds since I started caring last Spring, and I see no reason why the number won’t keep dwindling while I’m savoring life and not Doritos. Body growing stronger and more beautiful each day. Groceries in the cupboards. Clean laundry in the drawers, and all the time I need to think, to love, and to grow.
So I’ve done it. Or more accurately, am doing it.
And so can you. Or more precisely, probably already are.
I know it. I know it bone-deep that you can, and you are, and most importantly, you will!
That we can together, because I need you, too.
We can do it, this magical thing, birthing dreams from the unforgiving canal that is “real-life.”
We can. We really can. I’ve done it and I bet you have, too, even if the sky seems so high and the path behind you so short. You’ve done it. You’ve stood facing the boogey man that baits you and stepped forward anyway. And if you did it then, you can do it now.
So, let’s do it. You and me. Let’s experiment in the dream lab.
Photo credit: Pixabay